Rethink What Your Life for?
What have you been pursuing in life?
It is not a question for you. It’s for me, and for
those who wonder what their life for.
I came to the point where I requestion all the
things I’ve been through in my life. It is like deconstructing what I have
built so far. I know it’s gone too far, but when I looked back, it is what has
leading me to find everything I have been looking for. Although, I know my
searching has not come to an end. “You cannot connect the dots looking forward,
you can only connect them looking backward, “ Steve Jobs said. This clause does
work!
I used to be asked, “What do you want to be? What
do you want to have?” Then I gave a simple answer, “I want to be an astronaut,”
I said it once when I was about eight. I imagined how life could be so wonderful
if you could fly into the space. Looking at place where you live at from the
sky, I wondered if I could shoot the stars. Ah, that is my childhood life.
When I was 7, I started drawing, just so in love
with drawing. A friend gave a compliment that I might have been our class’ best
drawer, and I perhaps could be a great artist. And I was 9 when I was in love
with writing, I wrote a lot. I imagined a story then I wrote it down on my book
manually. It’s been so incredible for me to write, just write, I was literally
into it.
When I was about 12, my dream became a little bit
more, let’s say, concrete. Why do I say so? I found what for I might do that. At
that time, I wanted to be a journalist, even desperately. I thought becoming a
journalist would be through lots of journey. I could’ve met many people. And to
me, that was pretty much interesting. What is becoming a journalist for? I could’ve
had a wonderfully adventurous life by being a journalist.
Everything just got blurred when I was about to
enter college life. It was like a blurred line between me becoming a journalist
and the reality that I could’ve been through. Funny!
I began to ask myself, “what do I really want to
be? Is that it?”
When I drew, I felt happiness get into me. When I wrote,
it was freedom simply free me. And my journalist dream, it led me. All I can
tell you, I got just so happy when I did all those things I loved. But, I came
questioning myself again, is that all? Then what?
All of that made me rethink. I am thinking of that
happiness I got when I thought of all the things I have done. To me, the other
days when I made people happy, smile and laugh is just delighting moment ever. And
I’d really like to do that. But, it was all blurred, even now, I don’t know
what to write. I happened to wonder again. Is that it? Happiness. When I asked people
was all that I’ve been doing all good things to me and to others? The answer
would be surely yes. Well, I know, I know. But, it was not enough for me. It was
like I felt thirty, I found water, but it wasn’t enough to relieve my thirsty. Never
be. The feeling is just the same, I found something good, but it’s not good
enough to fill the hunger of “that indescribable hunger.” If it is happiness
that I’ve been looking for, I encountered it so many times. But, all is never
enough.
If I stuck the dream of being an astronaut in my
mind, let’s say, I’ve made that coming true, yes it is called success, I may
felt happy about that, but then what? Is that it? Or is that all?
Fortunately, all those thoughts I have in mind
have been deconstructed, and I come to the thought of being let all go. Having everything
in life, stuff you want, becoming someone you want to be, making people happy,
making dreams come true, buying cars or luxurious jewelry, those may make you
feel happy. But, is that all you want? Does it satisfy you?
To me, all those things are all I want, maybe the
things I have been wanting. They may create enough happiness to live a quite happy
life. But that is not quite enough to make me alive. Realizing it makes me
relieve, all I have been pursuing in life is only peace. What is peace for? To get
my life way more alive and that’s it! I have no more questions. Let peace into
me and free……… got nothing to question about.
May peace be upon you, people…
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